The magazine racks in Noth Dakota really are a sight to be seen. While there is no New Yorker, Esquire, Harper’s, or GQ and rarely a Vanity Fair. There are always at least six (and sometimes as many as ten!) different gun titles. It’s worrying. Tactical Weapons: Combat Rifles?!
(Photo: Hugo’s Market on 13th)
Katie Couric to Drew Brees: “Did you help save New Orleans or did New Orleans help save you?”
Bodies like an oil drum stacked atop another oil drum with another oil drum atop that; no fashion looks good on them. Thighs thicker than waists; no pants fit properly. Calves like two-gallon milk jugs. A sport coat is an absurd waste of a cotton field. Offensive lineman—especially great offensive linemen—are freaks of nature towering the height of some NBA players but with muscle on top of muscle on top of bone the thickness of baseball bats, and then some fat padding atop that. Banana Republic, J. Crew, Express—their cuts are hopeless. When one can even find a stylish size 46 (or 56) jacket, the arms are too narrow. Shopping at H&M is an absurd farce for any proper guard, tackle or center. Skinny jeans and the hipster aesthetic are a conspiracy against people who can lift their own body weight straight up over their heads, and then do it again.
You can analyze and meta-enable yourself into a fake tan with MTV’s Jersey Shore for all I care. The appeal of that show is one-dimensional no matter how many three-syllable words used to “understand” it. There is another show on MTV though that is unpredictable, tragic, uplifting, poignant and is appealing in many of the deep ways people pretend Jersey Shore to be: Teen Mom. And there is no more tragic a clown than Teen Mom’s lumpy lover and dunderheaded bad father but good guy, Gary.
Deep down inside I think a lot of guys, maybe myself included, are a little more Gary than we would like to admit. Gary is just the realization of all of those qualities the rest of us dudes manage to repress. He’s a bit of what George Costanza would be in real life and removed from the self-conscious fish tank of New York. Slob. Attention-span-less. Dopey. Easily distracted. Temperamental. Longing.
Ultimately though, Gary is a decent romantic and probably a good guy at heart. He just desperately needs a tune-up… like so many of us.
I saw the below bumper sticker of a car in the local Walmart paking lot today. It was accompanied by another which read “Gun Control Means Using Two Hands.” And I do mean this one, as there are several versions... which is scary.
I don’t watch Lost but my understanding is that there is no way writers can resolve all the plot holes they’ve created. Or can they?
Ever been part of team designing a web site with a corporate client? Then this is for you.
Every exec tasked with the corporate site should be required to read this.
Well, this is about it, isn’t it kids? This is an actual celebrity tabloid site “story” (SlashGossip): Jessica Simpson Farts at Important Business Meeting.
What are all the satirists going to do now that they are unnecessary?
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