Abram Sauer Online

I am not sure in which world this Braun product exists ; but I don’t want to visit it.

By the way, this ad is running on Gizmodo. GIZMODO!

The GOP has a new website.

(Dick) Armey with harmony
Mike drop a load on ‘em

GOP, how can I explain it
I’ll take you frame by frame it
To have y’all jumpin’ shall we singin’ it
G is for God, P is for People scratchin’ temple
The last P…well…that’s really quite simple

You ever had a voter and met him on a nice hello
You get his name and number and then you feelin’ real mellow
You get home, wait a day, he’s what you wanna know about
Then you call up and it’s ACORN or ‘Bama’s house…

(more…)

This year’s most bigoted, misogynistic, racist costumes. All available from legitimate retailers. Including Amazon.com.

READ IT (and weep)

Viking helmet? Check. Horns? Check. Intimidating face-paint? Check. Metal battle amulet on wrist? Check. Vicious war scream? Check. Armpits shaved like some Parisian dandy? Check.

Imagine my surprise when my inbox suddenly became pregnant with an offer almost impossible to refuse. But I already spent all my imaginary money on tickets to this year’s Super Bowl between the Detroit Lions and the Atlantis Unicorns.

After the jump, Stub Hub tells us more about this mythical unicorn Mets team.

(more…)

Some hooker with a preposterous Hollywood name like Faithful Hillock, or some such bullshit, showed up on my Sunday Night Football this week in the skank boots Mary HK Choi (also suspiciously Hollywood sounding) wrote about earlier for The Awl.

Choi writes, “These disgusting shoes that happily swashbuckle up your leg to munch on your—thanks to micro winter shorts and leggings—totally visible, strangled-to-the-point-of-bulbous PUDENDA are bad for business.” Now, I don’t know what that means, or if it’s even English (Choi = Bhutanese???) but I do know I want these things to GO AWAY NOW. Make it happen Mary.

Left: Balloon Boy dad Richard Heene

Right: Everyone’s movie dad Treat Williams

Hey, Miller Lite, you can put a picture of a fresh draft on your case of 24 but inside… it’s still just cans.

That’s like Rosie O’Donnell wearing a dress with a picture of Cate Blanchett on it.

Have you heard of this Colorado Icarus, the Balloon Boy?

So everyone and his dog wants to know if this whole thing was a set-up or what.  Maybe, probably, kinda’, but maybe not, the Sparrow Eagle Boobie Falcon kid spills the beans on Larry King. Every media outlet will literally cast your firstborn off in a weather balloon  to get the exclusive.

One mile-high-state grad student seems to be lucky enough to have it. But as he’s smart enough to get a combo 1120 on his GRE, he’s not giving it way for free. So he contacts some media outlets looking to sell. Naturally, Nick Denton, having recently said he would love to be the “place you go if you want to make a buck,” stepped up to make some poor Colorado bastards dream come true.

Yesterday evening, Gizmodo posted a story titled  FOR SALE: Proof That Balloon Boy Was A Hoax.

The site said it was contacted by “a student” of the balloon kid’s dad. It said the guy had a story “but the purported proof will cost you thousands of dollars to get.” Then it prints the guy’s story. And then Gizmodo says, “If you want to buy the proof, let us know, and we’ll put you in touch with the seller.” It appears matchmaker, oh matchmaker, made us a match.

Surprise then when 24 hours later Gawker runs the story “Exclusive: I Helped Richard Heene Plan a Balloon Hoax.”  It is by “a student” of the ballooon boy’s dad. Did Gawker pay the thousands in question for the story? I contacted Gawker Editor in Chief Gabriel Snyder to ask what relationship the exclusive had to yesterday’s Gizmodo posting. His answer: “We became aware of him via a Business Insider post. I didn’t see Gizmodo’s post, but probably the same guy. Though Snyder admitted that Gawker had indeed paid 25-year-old researcher Robert Thomas for his exclusive. he would not return emails about the price.

Timestamped at the same moment of the original Robert Thomas post is a very long Foster Kamer post bullet-pointing the resume of Thomas’ involvement.

So it appears the lesson is, if you know somebody, however tangentially, who may have been, for even an instant, in the national consciousness, by God do not just tell anyone about it. Send an email to tips@gawker.com first because your ability to be in the right place at the right time may be worth several thousand dollars. Corroboration? Don’t worry about it. Didn’t you get Denton’s memo?

Further, if Snyder is being honest, it seems bizarre that Gawker’s flagship would become aware of such an exclusive offer via a post on one of its sites, no? Doesn’t anyone over there have a phone?

Update:  Via Mediaite: Business Insider points out another aspect of the Gawker purchase. Part of the deal with Robert Thomas was that Gawker bought ” 48 hours of Thomas’ silence,” ensuring Gawker would have time to milk its exclsuive.

Left: Suicide bomber.

Right: An actual personal alarm product sold by Cavius, the great irony of which is that if you pull it out, say, in New York City, your life will be in much more danger than it was before