Abram Sauer Online

18. November 2009

Get Off My Lawn, Bank Account

Filed under: Failure, Advertising — admin @ 09:41

 complaints-board.pngIf you have ever been to the Compliants Board, you know it’s like spending time in a room filled with the most pitiful and helpless people in the world. But as the above shows, there seems to be a core flaw with the profit model of the board, wherein those complaining about and reading complaints about scams like the acai berry health syrum are encouraged to get the secrets to weight loss with scams like the “FatBurning Furnace.”

17. November 2009

Environmentalism not Catching on in Milwaukee

Filed under: Failure, Advertising — admin @ 10:51

It looks like this paint store on rather upscale Oakland Avenue in Milwaukee hasn’t heard yet about this whole “don’t let the earth rot beneath us” movement. Or maybe it’s a throwback to Mad Men or something.paint-the-world.jpg

A Picture Says a Thousand Words (That You Probably Cannot Say to Grandma)

Filed under: Real America, Awesome, Failure, North Dakota — admin @ 09:44

Well, maybe more like 25 words. But they are all bad words. What happened to just getting gumballs?

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Photo: Hugo’s Grocery, 32nd Street, Grand Forks

16. November 2009

Maybe the Yankees Need Money Bad

Filed under: Ha Ha Ha, Advertising — admin @ 09:04

It appears the Yankees really are dedicated to the team, willing to do anything to help the bottom line. The latest in the Yank’s porny marketing drive? “A Night with Joba.” Hmmmm.Earlier: Get a Yankee Championship “package”yankees-night-joba.png

13. November 2009

Sex Tape Sexy. Sex Tape PR Less So.

Filed under: Failure, Advertising — admin @ 10:42

Shauna Sand has a sex tape. Who is Shauna Sand? Apparently, she used to be married to Vince “Renegade” Black, aka: Lorenzo “America’s Fabio” Llamas. But whatever. The more interesting part is the publicity for the fake homemade film.

shauna-shauna-sand-prsand-pr.png

And by “more interesting” I mean “completely uninteresting.” Here you are, a publicist, with a sex tape to get publicity for and you write up a WHO, WHAT, WHEN standard straight from How to Write a Press Release. I suppose that’s the way it’s done. But jeez, talk about letting all the fun out of something.

Apple Product Placement in Fantastic Mr. Fox?

Looks like Boggis, Bunce and Bean are PCs because Fantastic Mr. Fox is a Mac.fantasticmrfox_mac-2.pngA close up after the jump with comparison. Certainly looks like an iMac. (more…)

12. November 2009

SWM: Enjoys Skiing, Films, Sunsets

Filed under: Failure, Ha Ha Ha — admin @ 21:08

It’s like Christmas in July… in November.

“Jon Gosselin Snorted Coke And Made A Sex Tape”

Cameron Confirms Avatar is Bascially Just Yiff Porn

Filed under: Awesome, Elsewhere, Advertising — admin @ 14:32

alien-porn.pngIn an interview with Playboy, James Cameron basically confirms my earlier suspicions that Avatar is just a giant yiff porn (NSFW).

PLAYBOY: How much did you get into calibrating your movie heroine’s hotness?
CAMERON: Right from the beginning I said, “She’s got to have tits,” even though that makes no sense because her race, the Na’vi, aren’t placental mammals. I designed her costumes based on a taparrabo, a loincloth thing worn by Mayan Indians. We go to another planet in this movie, so it would be stupid if she ran around in a Brazilian thong or a fur bikini like Raquel Welch in One Million Years B.C.

And there you have it. After the jump, NSFW comparison of yiff and Avatar.

(more…)

New York Times Would Like to Have a Word with Chuck Medley

Filed under: Tricky, Failure, Elsewhere — admin @ 09:11

Following up on the first-person account of the Fort Hood shooting, it looks like the New York Times is finally coming around to the conclusion that the female police officer Sergent Munley may not be the sharpshooting hero the Times thought she was.

This new take on events, with Munley already gunned down while the shooter was still reloading to then be taken out by Senior Sgt. Mark Todd is confirmed by an anonymous witness who tells a story an awful lot like the ROFASIX one:

“…when Sergeant Munley came around the corner of a smaller building. Major Hasan wheeled on her and shot her several times, the witness said. It was unclear whether she squeezed off a shot or not, but she fell over backward, disabled with wounds in her legs and one of her wrists, the witness said.”

The Times also notes:

“Public affairs officials also declined to make Chuck Medley, the director of emergency services at the post, available for questions. It was Mr. Medley, who oversees the post’s civilian police and fire departments, who gave the first account of how Sergeant Munley stopped the gunman.”

It was Medley who was the sole source for the New York Times’ earlier story titled “She Ran to Gunfire, and Ended It,” the story in which the Times basically crowned Munley the Hero of Fort Hood. It was this story that everyone latched on to in the elevation of Munley to sole hero status.

So now it appears that the ROFASIX account may be true.

This new account, close to the ROFASIX one, still down not account for the Mother Jones version.

11. November 2009

Precious is Not Mariah’s Latest Single

Filed under: Tricky — admin @ 19:45

mariah-prcious.png

I understand that Precious is an award season contender. And I’m sure it is great (actually, I’m not sure of that at all).

But let me ask, is America really ready to hear “Mariah Carey” and “Oscar winner” used in the same sentance?

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