Abram Sauer Online

Business Insider posts a headline that maybe, with reflection, might have been something else.

“What the hell is that noise?”

That was my first thought upon entering the post office in the small Wisconsin town yesterday. I was there to mail a package of tax documents. The small post office was overwhelmed with the chirping of birds. Baby birds. Chicks. The post office was full of chirping chicks.

The chicks were all in small cardboard boxes with holes and one of the attendants was weighing each one and posting it. Yes, the chicks were being mailed. It was a bizarre sight and sound. The postman even gave me a look inside one box.

Apparently, the USPS calls this “special handling,” which “is for unusual items that need to be handled specially through the mail – like live poultry and bees. For these items, Special Handling is required. Your package will receive preferential handling to the extent that it’s practical in dispatch and transportation.” (Bolding, mine)

Mail order your poultry today!

From the Grand Forks Herald: “A Mound man charged with sex crimes for allegedly abusing a female relative has told police it was God’s will that he “marry” the girl when she was just 10 years old… [the man] believes the Bible justifies his actions.

The best part though is the closer: “…attorney, David Risk, says some of his client’s beliefs are outside the norm.”

Here’s the story of a Wisconsin girl being charged with first-degree reckless homicide for sharing some of her relative’s prescription drugs with a friend who then died.

She’s 14 years old but being tried as an adult anyway.

Via the Telegraph, here’s a commercial from the Israeli supermarket chain Mahsaney Kimat Hinam spoofing the (probably) Israeli assassination squad hit in Dubai. Can you say, Clio!?

It seems the media gave up on the Haiti story with even greater swiftness than anticipated.

Plus, the troops are already pulling the fuck out of there! Shock and Awe! SHOCK! AND! AWE!

Over at Say Anything Blog “North Dakota’s Most Popular Political Blog™” it appears they’re featuring content from past years. Like this 1991 debate about gays, AIDS and blood donation.

Oh wait, what’s that? This is a debate from two days ago? Oh my. Good to see rationality and factual information have finally started making it to North Dakota.

I have simply no idea why so much of the nation thinks about the wonderful Peace Garden State as an intellectual backwater full of hypocrisy about free living and individual rights.

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Yes, the post office.. the employer of Mr. McFeely and my grandma (no joke).. is now an evil socialist entity that is to be here on out referred to in right-wing blog headlines as a “monopoly.” You know, like the socialist monopoly held by the police force.

The remake of Karate Kid is also titled Karate Kid. But in China, where the film takes place, kung fu is practiced, not karate. In the trailer Jackie Chan even says “king fu.” Karate is Japanese.

But hey, Japanese… Chinese… they look the same and probably share a lot of cultural identity and stuff and get along great, right. They’re not going to mind being confused, right. RIGHT?!

Related: The Manchurian Candidate remake.

They brought this wonderfully atrocious thing back.